the hidden blast

first day of school that bringing lots of commitments in the head..
Still not over with the mental torturing stuff that i had bring on to slp and dreams.
Going to sch with no fresh starts doesnt give a cool day through out.
I m confused choosing what I should. How friends could be hurtful how I could be hurtful to someone.
I am 24 and clueless to act what i should .
Is that me ? or that hypocrite feeling getting stronger? I have no idea how to act. should  i be blur and let go and forgive and just Believe the bright side that they had shown.
Friends are still friends . relationship that needs to maintain . How much I had reflected , how blind my eyes are .. I have no directions.

Finally , I stand no more in that plastic situation. I am out.
Things are unsolved . all i could is burst out loud in the small corner that no one could see. Suddenly , I understand lonely , a kind of feeling that friends couldn't solve , a kind of feeling that u don't belongs to the world anymore. I have no idea whats make my day in such a horrible state . I probably pms ing . or things get screwed up and up.. I dont know...

I m glad i have yw at the moment. " we tend to be fragile as time passed regardless mental nor physical"
as what she said, because we are afraid to fall. yes , failure is no longer affordable .

might be pms-ing today , but i saw challenge to be sandwich , how friends could be categorized .And i realised the politics dealing , sometimes is not up to us to control the situation . Principal doesn't work anymore.

I realised I never seeek for him for to long. I m here again and he said:" the feeling is like a car crash , all u need is to rest and let me do the healing job" yes i m tired. plz take me and lead my way .

amen.

sisterhood

I have no idea how could I be anymore. I felt like a failure being a sister .
I had enough of self reflect. U claimed me bossy , I called u nasty.
All I neeed is at least some respect and appreciation.?Not fit to? so be it .
U left me no reason to dote
Sometime how i wish to have a sisterhood like weiling and her sis .
This is how pathetic it sounds like ..

Bully makes ME CRY

cant believe i cry over a little stuff ,

the first feeling of being bullied ovr 23 years ..

cant believe it.. 

finally i know how it feels when angry does make ur blood boiled and

flushed up to ur hot red face.

how anger make u need to breath hard and calm down

How ironic when a person could make me PISSED OFF literally over a 2 buckz.

well done ah dong, U are the first one who did it . 

i thought there is nth could pissed me of.

well, now i know ...

 ticking my nerve after guilt.. .

gonna make u worst night mare of all.

the final showdown

At the end , he finally met a girl of his ..
today is my worst day fr my exam.. cant get over it..
thought having hopes but its gone straight after ..
one week of study week happiness being ripped
oh well .. I already have mental prepared for the day to come ,
who am I to judge ? owh well, i feel so much better talking to ming li ,
the impact arent big , I am better now :)

TEARING TEARS

It feels so dumb to cry , but i know it couldnt be controlled  , everything is jst so screwed and i know i must get it done .

breakdown point when u cant hold on anymore is when u received ur parents call

I hate to talk to them I hate crying over the phone crying over the pouring milk
I cant help it  , I CANT HELP IT ..things need to done .THINGS NEED TO BE DONE!!

HELPP!!

straight to your face

I being defeated once again straight to my face , all the tiny hope , the uncertain and wishes ..
I m tired of given false hope .As I jst hoping hope shouldnt come on me , it was torturous to have slight fake hope. its painful to carry on ..if hope given 10 times sweetness , it comes with 100 times destruction ..

Today , I saw the post straight to my face while i still remains a little hope .I can feel the heat blush through my face .Finally i can get a conclusion before it went too far. stop fantasizing , stop dreaming .. I am tired of these mind guessing game ..  eugene's story make me givin up even more .and yeah god .. U make it instant as what I think I want it to be  .. perhaps this is what it should be 长痛不如短痛 。。 It feels like a strong ache injection pierce right through my heart , I know it gonna be pain .. but at least it wont ate me up day by day , aching a lil day by day  .. Finally I know i should stop trying because there is no more If . I should buck up and focus.

I dont blamed but its just too painful .. I am just crying for a real hope , can I have one? I cant take these anymore ..false hope are tiring and torturous .. god bless him and  for another him , please dont make him as torturous as me . he should be let go ..

I am totally defeated today..

Is always a hard time , hard way , hard feeling to like someone..
I hate this feeling ,
I hate the feeling on fallen ,
I hate liking someone ,
that day of afraid one day i will fallen on someone..
had come?

I thought I wont , but
finally I admit I totally lose the battle of this mental game..
He arent my type at all ..
but is cuz of appreciation? as time goes by? chemistry?
I dont know..
Is this fond? Is this crush ?

I am not sure seriously ...

I dont wanna be alone but I want ppl to accept me
not cuz I fallen into him but the way I am ...

I have no confidence on my self...

at all...

Is this my destiny , Is this my fate? is this karma?

I always make ppl fall into friendzone ,
I know how they feel , how miserable it is..
and yah .. I got it now ..Its serious suckiest feeling eva ..
U dont know wat he think , did he even care?
This wat we called as friendzone..

ha.. I am pretty sure , those are jst fanaticism of mine..

Get some life audrey , is useless to wonder , to guess , to hope , to wish ,
I am tired of this game.. As time goes by ..

shall see wats goin on ya..
I am so sorry to those friendzoners ..
I am sorry to let u down , but I am also another victim of it
arent?